Common In --- The Water is Fine
SOME ORGANIZATION IN Iran has given "The Simpsons" some kind of award to acknowledge their talent. The government responded by calling the show a bad influence on family morals. Did "The
Simpsons" ever pretend to be anything else? Welcome to the 21sth century, Iran . . . Fortunately I don't have to get too involved in Iranian foreign policy. That would be like chasing cats around a parking lot . . . Gov't study sez 75% of $1 bills carry germs. That's why I only use 50's & 100's . . . Three guys walk into a bar: a conservative, a moderate, and a liberal. Bartender looks up and says "Hi Mitt!" . . . Sarah Palin had a pretty good line about the national opinion polls. "Poles are good for cross-country skiers and strippers," said the momma grizzly. I like her so much more since she isn't being taken seriously as a candidate . . . Just asking: what do you think it would be like to have a job as a hooker in Bangkok? . . . Am having a set-to with my girlfriend. My experience is there's only two ways to fight with a woman, and neither one of them work . . . Cabbie picked up a fare t'other day. Passenger was going to the airport but said "I need to make a quick stop at my local bank first." "Sure!" said the delighted driver. An airport fare for them is equivalent to striking gold. Imagine the taxi driver's surprise when six blocks later his cab was surrounded by the police, guns drawn. The passenger has made a quick stop at his local bank alright . . . to rob it! Not only the poor fellow's cab was inpounded, he was also unable to collect the $40 fare.
* * *
ATTENTION FANS OF Viagra! A team of Argentine scientists did a study saying it could be effective in treating jet lag, at least in hamsters. I wasn't aware hamsters suffered from jet lag . . . Amateurism: a german couple had to call the fire department after accidentally chaining themselves up during their first ever bondage session. "We wanted to try something different" said Jochen Ranstett, 56. Fifty six! Maybe there is still hope for me . . . A student at UC raised his hand during a particularly dull econ lecture and asked the prof. if he could go get a drink. Permission granted. Student then tripped merrily down to the nearest bar and got thoroughly hammered. Bet he enjoyed the rest of the lecture . . . A really bad day for a burglar recently. First he visited an antique store and drilled a hole thru the door. He was sure he could open it but failed. So he moved to the bar around the corner. Again, no luck. Unscathed, he moved on to a corner grocery store. This time he tried to pry open the metal bars of the store's entrance. No luck. So he moved on to the reliable old Post Office. Got inside, but was unable to break open the safe. By now the burglar was a nervous wreck, and I imagine he's looking into a different line of work . . . Infamous last words: "You can make it easily. That train isn't coming very fast" . . . It's becoming increasingly clear that in this country politics is a game with two sides and a fence. With elections coming up, we should expect the candidates to announce their views, from their hedgequarters (Me? I'm a proud member of the Straddler Party).
* * *
A former Canadian First Lady said: "Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman."
No comments:
Post a Comment