Schnide Remarks

The Enemy Within Or Since That Title Has Already Been Used, "They Lurk Among Us"

By Will Schneider

There is no escaping them. They use our facilities at public service stations, giving no thought to the efforts we spend keeping them spotless, making sure they are thoroughly cleaned twice yearly. They raid our convenience stores, buying up all the milk-duds. They eat some of the finest produce in the land -WITHOUT PAYING A CENT FOR IT! They don't even work, ferevvin's sake! (Source: Department of Labor). And how much of their money do they spend here? As little as possible, preferring to send it out of the country (they claim it goes to their families. So, why aren't their families here with them, as they should be?) These home wreckers even go so far as to get in physical altercations and bleed all over our nice hospitals, denying service to Decent Americans. I mean, how are we supposed to refill our anti-depressant medications with all this riff-raff in the way? I'm of course talking about MEXI-sorry, illegals.

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How do we defeat this terrible menace? The US Department of Homeland Security, long ago hijacked by liberals, proposes fences to keep them out. What a bunch of wussies. I've been climbing fences since I was ten. What we need here is a real, first class American solution once proposed by such national heroes Douglas MacArthur and Barry Goldwater, who had solutions for both the Korean and Vietnam wars the communists who run Washington weren't bold enough to try. I'm talking, of course, about a band of nuclear waste stretching from San Diego to El Paso. It's cheap; it's totally effective; we will never run out of it and it has minimal maintenance and upkeep costs. There is that pesky little out-of-control wildfire side-effect that could cause some damage, but what's down there, really? A bunch of sand and slithering, ugly critters.  As for sand, the Sahara has plenty, go there. After all, we can't be number one in everything. ("Oh yes we can and we will"- Rush Outtatouch). We would have to say so-long to a few cities and towns such as Tucson, El Paso, San Diego, Sacramento and parts of Calgary. Who needs these cities anyway? They are populated by a bunch of whack-job liberals. ("No they aren't"- Rush again. "Yes they  are" - Author. This concludes our roundtable discussion of this issue brought to you by the writer so you can make an informed decision based on all the facts. Yr' welcome).

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Or how about this: why don't we enforce the laws as written? Quick, raise your hand if you think the family farm still exists? You there, surrounded by cows and chickens, can't see if your hand is up or down. We'll mark you undecided. Farms are run generally by huge agribusiness. When I was working, I was a manager for a large company that hired a lot of non-native Americans. We were required to fill out a government form called an 1-9. In addition to the information requested by the form, we were required to submit a photo-copy of a permit to work and/or a green card, also a photo-copy of a social security card. I only received a back rejection slip one time. But, more than a few interviews were ended by an applicant when the topic came up, claiming they had to run home and get it and they'd be right back. Been waiting on some to return since 1987.  Why can't we require the agribusiness folks to do the same thing? This form, properly filled out and filed ensures both the employee and employers are playing by the rules. I suspect the reason this is not enforced by certain sectors of the economy is pretty obvious. M-O-N-E-Y. Playing by the rules keeps everybody honest. Of course, there is an economic downside. Imagine the financial impact: we'd have to pay these people minimum wage, overtime, disability, social security, workman's comp, etc. But why go after the REAL lawbreakers---big corporations? Let's discriminate against the innocent people who came here looking merely for an opportunity. That's what we always have done, ever since the Irish came here in the 1830's. Why change now?

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Think it over while you are enjoying that sweet, juicy slice of cantaloupe manana.