02/21/14
I Know My Writes
HEADLINE IN THE CHRON: "White House offers to help thwart attacks": The White House offered to help U.S. businesses protect their computer systems from cyberattacks that President Obama called "one of the gravest national security dangers that the United States faces." Excuse me; I'm confused. Isn't this the same White House that got all exercised when Eddie Snowden exposed all of their extracurricular activities? Why don't we give Mr. Snowden a work permit and have him figure all this out? He's certainly demonstrated an ability in this area. Do I have to do all the heavy lifting around here? . . . Now we're off to China, where their state-run newspaper, The Global Times, has claimed the country's choking air pollution is good for national defense because the smog would cover the areas from missiles and drones. Wouldn't the smog be a pretty good way of telling where the targets --- oh, never mind . . . And the coveted Schneiduh award this week goes to Jennifer Chirico of Connecticut. She was running late for a court hearing on a minor criminal charge and apparently confused about which court she was supposed to show up at, so she called bomb threats into three separate courthouses. She won't have to worry about being on time for the next ten years, because that's how long she's being put away. Way to go, Jen! That's really taking the bull by the --- testicles?
* * *
SCHNIDE SCHTRIKES: This week's homily is about President hating. I'm agin' it. I was guilty of it until August 9th, 1974. I allowed myself to hate Richard Nixon. I hated him right thru August 8th when he made that smarmy, maudlin resignation speech, in which he accepted no responsibility for what he'd done, let alone apologize to the millions of Americans who had supported him nor pardoned all of his minions who went to jail for following his orders. But the next day I saw something entirely different when he made his off the cuff remarks in the East Room as he was leaving office. "Never be petty --- always remember: Others may hate you. But they can't win unless you hate them back --- then you destroy yourself." I saw a completely broken human being. Just as stunning, I saw the look on the faces of his broken family. The whole thing was heartbreaking. But hey, we won! Here's what we won: Thirty-five years without an even emotively progressive President. Carter and Clinton? Give me a break. These two are wearing well enough in history, but Reagan is doing better. Why? Because hatred has no patience. It just wants to win; hang the cost. I thought the right wing had spent its credibility on President Clinton, but then along came Obama! How about this --- instead of impeaching Nixon, why didn't congress just censure him? He would have been completely ineffective his last two and a half years in office. The democrats could probably have renominated McGovern or maybe Mondale in 1976 and won big. But I ingress. Barack Obama is better on social issues than any President since Lyndon Johnson. He has established National Health Care. As long as he doesn't get us into a war, he has a good legacy, and nearly three more years to build on it. The current President haters will be remembered about as favorably as Father Coughlin.
* * *
DING A LING RING A DING! FEATURETTE! This time it's a chunk 'o philosophy from my best friend Saunders: "Think globally; irritate locally" . . . Over to Sochi, where an upstart band named Pussy Riot (love that name!) decided to give an impromptu performance in the Olympic City. We all know this was President Putin's moment in the sun and he wanted ZERO disruptions. So it wouldn't surprise me if the order to forcibly rip off their face masks and whip them publicly came directly from him. I can picture it all: President Verminer Putrid orders you to whip those Pussies! I'll stay in Moscow while the civilized world pussywhips me . . . A shootout to Joe's Cable Car, an Ess Eff institution that will close on March 16th after 49 years in business. Joe's been working 12 hour days, six day weeks, no time off, and at 75, he's pooped. Can't blame him. He takes pride in trimming and grinding his own chuck daily. All of the basic food groups here: Grease, salt, fat and cholesterol. Add bacon and you've got it made. But I wreckommend a patty melt; ask for extra onions. A lot of us will miss you, Joe. Where do we go now? My cab-driving buddy John Gould suggests Burgermeister, located at Filbert and Columbus, as an acceptable alternative. Why there? Because cab drivers Know Everything. John told me at the beginning of 2008 that the market was gonna crash --- wish I'd Listened . . . Chronicle columnist C. W. Nevius had this t'other day: Ingleside cops busted a guy for burglary. While searching him, they found meth in his pants pocket. The guy's excuse? Those aren't my pants! Police booked him anyway.
* * *
FROM THE GREAT LOUIS ARMSTRONG: "There are some people that if they don't know; you can't tell them."
===================================
Hey, I just met you:
This is crazy ---
Here's my number,
Call me willschneider7648@gmail.com
Open for business 8AM-4PM PST (415)292-7697
No comments:
Post a Comment