4/18/14

Boston Marathon --- One Year Later

IT'S BEEN A YEAR since the Boston Marathon Day bombings, and so what?  Another day, another assault.  But I see this one differently.  I was proud to be an American when this event occurred, and I was just as proud last Tuesday when EVERYBODY, including the survivors of the blast, turned out to pay homage to one of the greatest cities in the greatest country on the planet, despite our best-laid plans to screw things up.

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BOSTON IS EVERYBODY'S favorite city, except for all the others we love.  I got a lump in my throat hearing all the accolades on Tuesday, much the same feeling I get when watching the July 4th fireworks.  And how about the Vice President?  What an enthusiastic, down to earth guy.  Where was he in 2000 when we could have used a guy with a little personality to go after Bush, who also had an abundance of same?  Wait a sec;  I was talking about Boston.  Our country in general and Boston in particular really stepped up to the plate on this.  We didn't allow ourselves to be dragged into an over-reaction like 9/11.  We didn't overreact at first, for awhile we were all Americans.   We properly honored those who had lost their lives, although a lot of the rescue workers didn't get proper care years down the road.  Thanks, govt.  And thanks again, govt., for trying to pin the war on Iraq and Afghanistan, who had nothing to do with the event.  It was planned by Osama Bin Laden and carried out by 19 worthless cowards whose loyalty was to no country, just a very misguided loyalty to Allah.  George Bush said he wanted Bin Laden "Dead or alive."  Then the trail went cold and the President decided that Iraq was more important and that finding Bin Laden wasn't such a big priority.  On President Obama's first day in office, he called Secretary Pinetta (CIA) into his office and told him to make catching Bin Laden a top priority.  Two years later the job was done.  The divisions in our country have still not healed.

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NOT SO BOSTON.  Was it the work of a whole bunch of terrorists or some foreign enemy?  Maybe, but not so fast.  These two were not only cowards;  they were stupid cowards.  How could they not have known there would be cameras EVERYWHERE?  They could have set the bombs off at any place along the race, but they chose the most watched portion.  Duh.  So the cops, working methodically and way too much overtime, found grainy pictures of the perps.  They waited a day, then released the pictures.  This apparently alarmed the two pond scum and they began doing even dumber things that drew attention to them, such as hijacking cars and involving themselves in chases with the police --- usually not your best fallback plan.  The cops cornered them, shots were exchanged, maybe killing the older brother, but we'll never know because younger brother, in his haste to escape, hijacked another car and RAN OVER his sibling.  So much for family love.  By this time the cops had closed down a good deal of the city and because of their exemplary conduct the citizenry was happy to cooperate and help.  One neighbor noticed something suspicious in his backyard boat, alerted the authorities and, after a brief gunfire exchange, mission accomplished.  Editorial note:  Being a peace officer is a rotten, thankless job.  You have to be suspicious of virtually everyone.  Too many cops let this get the better of them.  But this is an example of the police doing everything right.  I hope they all got special recognition.  Icing on the cake:  The Red Sox won the World Series.  Boston Proud, Boston Strong.

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OTHER PLACES, OTHER THINGS:  An Oregon pimp who used his Air Jordan sneakers to stomp a client's face is suing Nike for failing to warn him that its product was "potentially dangerous".  Isn't stomping on someone's face potentially dangerous?  Anyway, he's been sentenced to 100 years at Club Fed . . . Have you heard about this cattle owner in Nevada?  He's had his animals grazing on govt. land for the last couple of decades or so.  The powers that be want about a million bucks in back pay.  Rancher says no way, this is public land.  Anybody want to lay odds on how this one will turn out?  The government may not be good at much, but they are terrific at getting their hands on our money.  The rancher is trying to organize some folks to back him up in his crusade.  Saw a few on the tube.  Trust me, these folks couldn't organize a fart at a chili cook off . . . There's a rumor around that Jesus was married and had an extended family.  So  did Jesus' nephew call Mrs. Jesus Auntie Christ (okay, quit shoving.  I was leaving anyway)?

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FROM EZRA POUND:  "I have not met anyone worth a damn who was not irascible."

                         =====================================

Mary had a little lamb,

A lobster and some prunes;

A piece of pie, a glass of milk

And then some macaroons.

It made the naughty waiters grin

To see her order so.

And when they carried Mary out

Her face was white as willschneider7645@gmail.com

Open for business Noon-4pm PST @ (415)202-7697

  

04/11/14

Look Who's Here

I'VE BEEN AWAY.  Well, no, I've been right here.  Mr. Schneider is on vacation.  Nope.  Haven't even been to Oakland.  Schnide has been ill.  True enough, but not physically.  I've got it.  Will has been off.  Actually, if you get close to me that has a bit of accuracy.  Wotineck do I tell all my regular reader?  One wrote.  "I look forward to Fridays.  Where the h-e-doulble hockey sticks have you been?"  Bless you, what a great upper for moi.  Anyway, I'm back.  Lucky you.  As the guy on The Ed Show (I think his name is Ed) likes to say, "Let's get to work."  Right.

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ITEM ITEM HOOSGOTTANITEM?  Have you heard an airliner crashed?  Somewhere off the coast of Australia.  First they found debris --- that was it.  Um, nope, sorry.  Then they found the location of the crash.  They've now found about four potential locations.  Sorry, not good enough.  BUT WAIT!  We're getting pings --- they must be coming from the black box!  Nope, that didn't do it, but stay tuned.  How can you help it?  Here's the story:  A plane went missing a month ago.  Nobody knows how or why. THAT'S THE WHOLE STORY. But the news networks have pulled out all the stops.  You can watch Fixed News;  a lot of entertainment and a very loose relationship with fact.  Fair and balanced?  Pardon me, I feel convulsions coming on (though I do enjoy Chris Wallace and Mike Huckabee).  Then there's Constant News Network.  Here's our next one-hour special on the missing plane.  WHOOP'S!  There's been a mudslide in Washington!  What to do what to do whadda****dowedo?  Hey, we've got it!  We'll have a one hour special about the plane, followed by a one hour special on the mudslide, followed by a one hour special on the plane, followed by --- well, you get it.  The network to tune into if you need to catch up on your sleep (though I do enjoy Candy Crowley as well as Anderson Cooper).  Then there's MSNBC, or, as it's known from 7pm Friday until 1am Monday, Boring Prison Crap.  Here's a network with archives going back 65 years, and this is the best they can do? I will give them credit for being the first network to get back to their irregular programing. "The place for politics"?  How about "The place for boringly repetitive liberal politics" (though I do enjoy Joe Scarborough and Chris Matthews)? 

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NOW WE'VE DRONED OVER TO IRAN, where its semiofficial news agency Fars claims that NSA secret document leaker Edward Snowden has offered "incontrovertible proof" that the U.S. is being run by a "shadow government" of space aliens.  No wonder the govt. is so pissed off at you, Eddie . . . Bad week for a Mexico City motorist who was pulled over by the cops for suspicious driving.  When said police approached the car, the guys pet parrot blurted out "He's drunk!  He's drunk!"  Sure enough, a test showed the bird was right.  The fellow is now looking into a pet turtle . . . Hey!  Dick Cheney's found work!  He'll be teaching a class at the University of Wyoming titled "Safety Tips While Hunting (tip #1:  stay away from older white guys).  How many of you even remember what I'm on about?  Let's face it, I'm old . . . Off to Deadwood, S.D., where businessman Greg Vecchi has announced plans to open an indoor shooting range and saloon.  He assures us he'll see to it that customers use his services in the right order:  "Bullets first, beer second."  Good luck with your endeavor, sir . . . Rep. Paul Ryan has presented us with yet another budget, much like the ones that weren't adopted in 2011, 2012 and 2013.  Some folks just don't get it.  This budget has about as much chance of becoming reality as a heat wave in the Himalayas . . . We've wrapped up the second week of the baseball season and we all know what that means --- the Mets have been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs . . . Should we raise the minimum wage?  Should the sun rise in the east?  Families on minimum wage are living at poverty levels.  If we brought them up to a living wage maybe they wouldn't have to depend on so much government assistance, which the taxpayers have to pony up for.  Come on, Republicans, this is a no-brainer . . . Gratuitous joke for real old-timers:  Roy Rogers is out on the range one day, sporting his brand new suede cowboy boots.  A wildcat comes up, strips off the shoes and mangles them.  Roy schleps back home and shows the shoes to Dale Evans, who is of course empathetic.  A few hours later they are relaxing by the fire when Dale spots a wildcat out the window.  She turns and says, "Pardon me, Roy --- is that the cat that chewed your new shoes (Ya! Ya! Track twenty-nine)?"

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THE PUTIN UPDATE:  A little less than eighty years ago a foreign leader held a grand show off Olympics in his country.  He left an ethnic minority alone for a couple of weeks.  Then he sent troops across the border of a neighboring country, saying he was just reclaiming original land of his empire.  He assured the world he had no further territorial demands, all the while amassing troops on the border of another country.  We all know how that turned out, don't we?  We've got to take this monster down.  Boots on the ground won't work, that kind of war is outmoded for us, as the last 15 years have proven.  I like the President's idea of putting sanctions on some of Putrid's big business buddies;  that certainly can't hurt.  My sources also tell me that one of the few world leaders this thug pays attention to is German Chancellor Merkell, who seems willing to get involved.  I was very proud of myself for putting these observations together.  Then I read that Hillary Clinton had already done it.  Whatta --- whatta --- what a rhymes with witch.

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MIGHT AS WELL CLOSE with a quote from Hillary:  "In the Bible it says they asked Jesus how many times you should forgive, and he said 70 times 7.  Well, I want you all to know that I'm keeping a chart," said the witch.*

*"I am not a witch." --- HRC*

*"Yes you are." --- Schnide

                         ===================================

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine.

You make me happy

When skies are gray.

You'll never know, dear

How much I love you.

Please don't take my willschneider7648@gmail.com

Open for business noon-4pm PST @ (415)202-7697

Hey kids!  Like that rock n' roll?  Look up my blog from 2/14, press on icon at end.  Hot socks!

03/07/14

This is Your Brain on Schnide

LAST TUESDAY WAS National Grammar Day, but I won't be celebrating until I know when National Granpa Day is.  Come on, be fair . . . Riddle me this:  Why would you never starve to death in the desert?  Because of the sand which is there!  My buddy Hector MacDiddlewally checks in:  "Watch out, folks.  He's been nipping at the cooking sherry again." . . . And why not?   We just finished with Mardis Gras, which culminates with Fat Tuesday and is followed by Ash Wednesday, where you get a bit of ash on your forehead, and, in return for being absolved of all the sins you've committed on Fat Tuesday you have to give up something you really like for 40 days.  Okay, I'm giving up my search for life on Pluto for the next 40 days.  I have a slightly different take on the whole thing.   I think that after indulging in as many Fat Tuesdays as possible, I should be immersed i ash so I'm REALLY forgiven.  Upon recovery, repeat process.  I'm not as young as I used to be, so in my case, just to recover from the inhaled ash would probably take a few days, during which I could give up ANYTHING (like food(, at least for awhile.  Then I'd be Good To Go (note:  There are rumors around that inhaling ash is bad for you.  Bullfeathers.  They used to say the same nasty stuff about cigarette smoke) . . . Actually, I'm not much of a party animal.  Taking me to the Mardi Gras would make about as much sense as taking Elton John to Hooters . . . Little-known fact about me:  I once danced under the name "Fat Tuesday".  Significantly improved my fruit and vegetable consumption.

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IF I WAS PRESIDENT OBAMA I'd be real happy about the second amendment.  I'd declare myself a well armed malitia and show up at a press conference with an assault rifle.  Then I'd say I was really in no mood for a press conference but they told me I had to hold one.   First I would announce the abolition of the CIA and NSA because they have so far been caught by surprise by every single national and international incident over the last 50 years or so.  Vietnam?  Oops!  Timothy McVeigh?  Sorry.  9/11?  Well, see, it was early in the day --- we hadn't had our coffee yet.  The two pieces of human sewage that set off the Boston Marathon bombs?  Well, we knew they'd been to Russia and studied with some fundamentalist Islamic cults, but we weren't worried about benign people like that.  So out with you, incompetent govt. wastrels who don't work.  I'm appointing a class of eighth graders to do all this as a homework assignment.  The ones that actually come up with something will get high school credits.  If I was still standing, I'd say:  "Now I'll take your questions.  Don't forget I have a weapon, you're in my parameters and I'm invoking the 'Stand Your Ground law'.  Any Black reporters from Fox News got a question?"

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SPEAKING OF WHACKOS WITH GUNS, George Zimmerman currently has a painting up for sale on eBay that is drawing bids as high as $110,000.  It depicts an American flag with the inscription "With Liberty and Justice For All".  Finally, something that Zimmerman (AKA "Pond Scum") and Trayvon Martin's family can agree on . . . Over to Britain, that reliable source for so many items reported here.  A group of British Scientists concluded that based on the amount of booze he consumed in his movies he would develop "alcoholic liver disease, cirrhosis and impotence", and die at 56.  Party poopers . . . A displeased Walmart employee took a gun and shot a hole in another employee's SUV after she had been named "Employee of the Month."  It's now clear, said the sheriff, why the perpetrator "wasn't named Employee of the Month" . . . Finally, I love the old joke about a young fellow that gets hired at the Post Office.  After a few days his boss comes over to see how he's doing.  "Son, you are one fast sorter.  I don't think I've ever seen one as fast as you."  "Sir, you haven't seen anything yet," replies the kid.  "Just wait'll I learn how to read."

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ROBERT FROST SAID IT:  "The middle of the road is where the white line is --- and that's the worst place to drive."

                        =======================================

Heap big spender ---

Oh, heap big spender:

Spend a little time with willschneider7648@gmail.com

Open for business 8AM - 4PM PST @ (415)202-7697

02/28/14

Do You Mind If I

Let Out a Gazooka?

REMEMBER ED JEW?  He was a Stupidvisor from the Sunset district about a half dozen years ago.  He was caught not living in his district and accepting bribes.  If you recall my columns from The City Star at the time, I was pretty rough on him.  I'm not sorry about that.  Turns out the guy is trying to get his sentence reduced to time served.  He's been behind bars for at least five years.  He's also been a model prisoner.  Additionally he has a wife and daughter waiting for him to come home.  The bribery was $40,000, which he stored in his home freezer.  In politics, this would be known as pocket change.  For living outside his district, he should have been removed from office, which he was.  The rest has been overkill.  Let the man go so he can get on with his life --- I think he's learned his lesson . . . Reader G.B. Shaw checks in:  "Of course there's intelligent life in the rest of the universe.  They haven't tried to contact us, have they?" . . . I'm not a big fan of Arizona Governor Jan Brewer.  But she did the right thing by vetoing the hideous anti gay amendment her legislature passed.  I think she's also going along with the Medicaid portion of the Affordable Care Act, which is a simple recognition of reality.  Now if we could just get some of her congress to have their heads examined.  I think bigotry is a pre-existing condition, and thus covered by Obamacare . . . In the Ukraine, it looks like we may be a big step closer to that country lining up with the EU forces.  Anything to reduce Vladimir Vhithead Putin's sphere of influence is fine with me.

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IT'S TRAVEL TIME!  A Florida man has racked up over $130,000 in fines for refusing to trim the plants, grass and weeds in his yard.  Sez he has a "moral opposition" to doing so.  It's driving down property values, say the neighbors.  He says the fines are a "blunt tyranny" by the govt. to try and regulate his ability to grow crops.  Good luck with your hobby, sir . . . Because of the holiday and Super Bowl parties, we have a national shortage of Velveeta.   My dear sweet lord, what is America coming to?  One fan referred to the shortage as a "cheesepocalypse" . . . Howcum he never writes any nice stories?  OK, here's one:  Against family orders, a 12-year old Kentucky boy stayed up until 3 AM playing computer games.  He smelled something funny.  Turned out to be an electrical fire in the kitchen.  He awoke his family and guided them all to safety.  Awww . . . An Australian man decided  it would be a nice surprise for his girlfriend if he hid naked in a top-loading washing machine.  Police had to grease him liberally with olive oil to get him out.  By the way, his girlfriend was properly surprised . . . Finally, we're in New Hampshire, where 12-year old Maddie Gilmartin decided to test a theory of hers by sticking her tongue on a frozen flagpole to see if it would --- well, you know, stick.  Experiment successful.  Her parents found her flailing away awhile later and freed her with warm water.  "Think before you do something," Maddie said later thru a sore, swollen tongue.

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ABE LINCOLN GAVE US THIS:  "I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice."

                           ==================================

You say you want a revolution;

Well, you know,

We'd all love to change willschneider7648@gmail.com

Open for business 8AM - 4PM PST @ (415)202-7697

02/21/14

I Know My Writes

HEADLINE IN THE CHRON:  "White House offers to help thwart attacks":  The White House offered to help U.S. businesses protect their computer systems from cyberattacks that President Obama called "one of the gravest national security dangers that the United States faces."  Excuse me;  I'm confused.  Isn't this the same White House that got all exercised when Eddie Snowden exposed all of their extracurricular activities?  Why don't we give Mr. Snowden a work permit and have him figure all this out?  He's certainly demonstrated an ability in this area.  Do I have to do all the heavy lifting around here? . . . Now we're off to China, where their state-run newspaper, The Global Times, has claimed the country's choking air pollution is good for national defense because the smog would cover the areas from missiles and drones.  Wouldn't the smog be a pretty good way of telling where the targets --- oh, never mind . . . And the coveted Schneiduh award this week goes to Jennifer Chirico of Connecticut.  She was running late for a court hearing on a minor criminal charge and apparently confused about which court she was supposed to show up at, so she called bomb threats into three separate courthouses.  She won't have to worry about being on time for the next ten years, because that's how long she's being put away.  Way to go, Jen!  That's really taking the bull by the --- testicles? 

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SCHNIDE SCHTRIKES:  This week's homily is about President hating.  I'm agin' it.  I was guilty of it until August 9th, 1974.  I allowed myself to hate Richard Nixon.  I hated him right thru August 8th when he made that smarmy, maudlin resignation speech, in which he accepted no responsibility for what he'd done, let alone apologize to the millions of Americans who had supported him nor pardoned all of his minions who went to jail for following his orders.  But the next day I saw something entirely different when he made his off the cuff remarks in the East Room as he was leaving office.  "Never be petty --- always remember:  Others may hate you.  But they can't win unless you hate them back --- then you destroy yourself."  I saw a completely broken human being.  Just as stunning, I saw the look on the faces of his broken family.  The whole thing was heartbreaking.  But hey, we won!  Here's what we won:  Thirty-five years without an even emotively progressive President.  Carter and Clinton?  Give me a break.  These two are wearing well enough in history, but Reagan is doing better.  Why?  Because hatred has no patience.  It just wants to win;  hang the cost.  I thought the right wing had spent its credibility on President Clinton, but then along came Obama!  How about this --- instead of impeaching Nixon, why didn't congress just censure him?  He would have been completely ineffective his last two and a half years in office.  The democrats could probably have renominated McGovern or maybe Mondale in 1976 and won big.  But I ingress.  Barack Obama is better on social issues than any President since Lyndon Johnson.  He has established National Health Care.  As long as he doesn't get us into a war, he has a good legacy, and nearly three more years to build on it.  The current President haters will be remembered about as favorably as Father Coughlin.

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DING A LING RING A DING!  FEATURETTE!  This time it's a chunk 'o philosophy from my best friend Saunders:  "Think globally;  irritate locally" . . . Over to Sochi, where an upstart band named Pussy Riot (love that name!) decided to give an impromptu performance in the Olympic City.  We all know this was President Putin's moment in the sun and he wanted ZERO disruptions.  So it wouldn't surprise me if the order to forcibly rip off their face masks and whip them publicly came directly from him.  I can picture it all:  President Verminer Putrid orders you to whip those Pussies!  I'll stay in Moscow while the civilized world pussywhips me . . . A shootout to Joe's Cable Car, an Ess Eff institution that will close on March 16th after 49 years in business.  Joe's been working 12 hour days, six day weeks, no time off, and at 75, he's pooped.  Can't blame him.  He takes pride in trimming and grinding his own chuck daily.  All of the basic food groups here:  Grease, salt,  fat and cholesterol.  Add bacon and you've got it made.  But I wreckommend a patty melt; ask for extra onions.  A lot of us will miss you, Joe.  Where do we go now?  My cab-driving buddy John Gould suggests Burgermeister, located at Filbert and Columbus, as an acceptable alternative.  Why there?  Because cab drivers Know Everything.  John told me at the beginning of 2008 that the market was gonna crash --- wish I'd Listened . . . Chronicle columnist C. W. Nevius had this t'other day:  Ingleside cops busted a guy for burglary.  While searching him, they found meth in his pants pocket.  The guy's excuse?  Those aren't my pants!  Police booked him anyway.

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FROM THE GREAT LOUIS ARMSTRONG:  "There are some people that if they don't know;  you can't tell them."

                           ===================================

Hey, I just met you:

This is crazy ---

Here's my number,

Call me willschneider7648@gmail.com

Open for business 8AM-4PM PST (415)292-7697

02/14/14

Valentine's Day?

THIS IS NOT an ordinary day for me.  I don't buy candy, flowers or cards (just part of the crass commercialization that all holidays have become --- but I'm not going to rant today).  This is a day for watching a gorgeous Ess Eff sunset, observing a fire crackle in the fireplace, looking at the view from a quiet mountain lake, and holding hands with your significant other.  To celebrate it properly, one should take the entire day off from our hustling, teeth-gritting, stomach-churning routines.

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"You organize your life that way

For minutes and days and years away

And put your pencils in their stall

Then you've done Nothing At All."

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I THINK OF A SPECIAL GIRL, disarmingly attractive from head to toe, not only to me.  She had this same effect on many other men, perhaps more than she could handle;  I wouldn't know.  I do know that I'd never met such an enchanting creature:  half imp, half elf, every milliliter fascinating to it's core.  For a long while she meant everything to me, and for shorter periods of time me to her.  There was nothing we could not share in that marvelous spectrum of emotions we call life.  I chased her for years --- there were other men, other adventures, other people --- way too many for her to pass up.  She lived life to its full potential;  I got on with mine but the fire never burned out.  I was miserable when I could not be with her.  I began my career.

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"You write your pages by the hour;

Plan your work and meals and shower.

Planning one two three four five

For what to do while you're alive."

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SHE FINALLY RELENTED and we moved in together.  For a while we shared everything, from the best of times to the worst.  We grew apart.  She suggested we should separate;  I resisted.  Ultimately I agreed, more in anger and hurt than any desire for her to leave.  She sensed this and told me she would not go until she was sure we could be friends.  I did not appreciate the wisdom and maturity of her words, and I did not let go easily --- it took me a year to assent.  It was a tough year for both of us.  We talked haltingly and uneasily for years.  She married a fine man and they bore two wonderful children.  I let my heart go a couple more times, but it wasn't the same.  After twenty years together, her husband died unexpectedly.  She was devastated and shocked;  we began talking a bit in fits and starts.  About ten years ago I got wind of one of our childhood heroes, Paul McCartney, coming to town.  I called her and we went.  It was then I began to realize what she meant about being friends --- better late than never, I suppose.  Meanwhile, our lives went on, ever more full and demanding.

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"The phone that interrupts you rings

With busy people and busy things.

Now you're gonna miss your train:

These interruptions are to blame."*

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HOW WOULD THINGS have worked out if we'd stayed together?  I doubt it would have been trailing clouds of joy.  One can never know about such things.  One can only guess.  But it can be a beautiful guess.  Valentine's day is a constant;  it arrives every Feb. 14th, and like I said at the beginning it's no ordinary day with me.  It was on this day, so many years ago, that we met.

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*Poetry © 1984 by Doug Heeschen, one of my best friends and whom I had the privilege of composing with.

To hear the music to the lyrics, go to https://home.comcast.net/~heeschen/wsb/media/NothingAtAll.mp3

Contact willschneider7648@gmail.com or call (415)202-7697 8AM-4PM PST

02/07/14

I'm Too Poor to Be a Paranoid;

I Can Only Afford One Noid

ESTABLISHING YOUR PARAMETERS DEPT:  Barry Swegle of Port Angeles, Washington, was having a disagreement with a neighbor over a property line.  So he got behind the wheel of a logging machine and rammed it into four homes, a pickup truck and a power pole.  He's managed to set his property line, whatever it is and after the police finish charging and fining him . . . A Princess Cruise ship returned to port two days early because of a "dense fog" and not because 180 of the passengers caught a stomach virus, according to a ship spokesperson.  When informed there had been no reports of fog and the ship was covered with vomit and feces, Princess Cruise released a statement saying the ship had returned due to "climate change".  Okay, I didn't make up the first sentence . . . My Best Friend Saunders adds some interesting insight to my item last week about The Beatles:  "The 'Girl From Ipanema' was sung by Astrud Gilberto" (even Joe Scarborough knew that, Schnide) "and written by 'Tom' Jobim and Vinicius de Moraes.  Their music had already profoundly shaken up the musical, theatrical and movie worlds.  It was the first commercial hit from a different culture, i.e. Brazil, which had been struggling for mainstream recognition for over a decade.  A highly deserved award.  It's history's most recorded song other than 'Yesterday'."  As usual, Saunders knows a whole bunch of stuff I don't.  All I can say is the British had also been struggling since the 50s to make their contribution to the music scene and boy, did The Beatles succeed.  "Girl From Ipanema" is arguably a better song than any single song The Beatles released in 1964, but they certainly deserved equally to be recognized for what they did . . . After the stupid press release concocted by Gov. Christie and his playground bullies last Saturday (excuse me, the Governor did not sign it and was probably  "blindsided" by its release) I'm prepared to make a Fearless Prediction:  Chris Christie is toast.  He may be able to serve out his term as an extremely lame, and I do mean lame, duck Guv, but nationally, he's finished.  You read it here first (note I didn't say you heard it here first).

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THE KEYSTONE XL PIPELINE has cleared a major hurdle, with the State Dept. declaring it's unlikely to dramatically boost demand for Canada's oil sands.  If that's the case, then why the %#@$! build it?  In my humblish opinion, we will rue the day we built this full frontal assault on the environment, which I fear our President is looking for a way to sign off on.  He may wait until after the midterm elections to do this; but I've got a bad feeling about the whole thing.  This is horribly dirty oil.  If there's a spill (Don't worry about a thing!  Shell and Mobil will guarantee the safety) the sludge sinks to the bottom of our lakes, rivers and seas, making it impossible to clean up and destroying all life in our waterbeds.  If we keep behaving this way we won't be around long enough to be done in by global warming.  So here's my question for you, Mr. President:  In twenty years, will you be able to tell your grandchildren "I did something" about the environment, or will you say "I tried to do what I could"?  We're addicted to oil like some folks are to smoking.  We're always going to get off the stuff --- later.  After I get thru with this stress.  When I don't need to appease the business interests anymore, even tho I know in my heart what they're doing is wrong.  Tomorrow.  Trouble is, tomorrow never comes.  But Mr. President, I assume grandchildren will arrive in your family.  Will you do what it takes to leave them a better world?  Wouldn't it break your heart to have to look at their beautiful, innocent eyes and say "I did the best I could?"

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AN OHIO WALMART STORE held a Thanksgiving food drive --- for its own employees.  The drive was part of "the company's culture to rally around associates", said a spokesperson.  Here's another view, Duhmart:  Instead of asking your low paid employees to donate food to other low wage employees, try a) donating the food from your enormous corporate profits, not just to your indentured servitude employees but also other needy people in your community, and 2) more importantly, pay your workers a living wage in the first place . . . Need To Know Dept:  British researchers admitted to killing the world's oldest living animal, a 507-year-old Icelandic clam.  And how did they kill it?  They opened it to see how old it was . . . The Harrisburg, Pa., Patriot-News apologized for an 1863 editorial that dismissed President Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address as "silly remarks."  The paper said its previous editors must have been "under the influence of partisanship, or of strong drink."  Better late than never . . . If you were checking this space a couple of years ago, I noted that Denny's had introduced a number of new and inventive ways to serve bacon, including --- erghh --- a bacon sundae.  I predicted this ad campaign would be short-lived (I was right, but I take no bows.  Anybody with a two-digit IQ could've figured it out).  But they seem to be having trouble coming up with a catchy slogan.  I have a modest suggestion:  "Denny's --- Now Serving Blacks*".  No need to thank me; happy to help . . . Schnide Wreckommends:  Check out the Feb 3rd New Yorker, page 32, for a different take on sugary beverages (only one page, an easy and entertaining read).

*(w/proper ID)

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FROM THE GREAT WILL ROGERS:  "I belong to no organized Political Party.  I'm a democrat."

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It was the best of times;

It was the worst of willschneider7648@gmail.com

Open for business 8AM - 4PM PST (415)202-7697

01/31/14

What --- Me Wordy?

SEEMS THERE'S A SLIGHT KERFUFFLE about whether the construction specs for the East Bay Bridge where properly adhered to.  Don't like to blow my own horn (just watch me) but This Column Had It First!  It was common news about the faulty bolts.  On Oct. 14th, I wrote:  "No worries, assured the contractor --- we've got it all under control.  Did you know that if the bridge had not opened on time, the contractor would've had to forfeit a $30million bonus?  Just reporting."  Well, it opened on time all right --- on time but of questionable quality.  Charges are that Caltrans papered over the whole scandal and paid another $25mil for a kwik-fix retrofit.  There are further assertions that the problems weren't fixed well enough for the bridge to last its expected lifetime and more work will be necessary.  Should we get our $30mil back?  That's a no-brainer, but my suspicion is by the time we do that, it will cost $3 - 4billion in legal fees.  At least we can learn a lesson for the future --- uh, yeah, right . . . I Love Trivia Dept:  The Beatles came to our shores 50 years ago next week.  They immediately had five songs on the top ten, plus a movie and numerous other singles and best selling albums thruout the year.  And who won the Grammy that year?  "Girl from Ipanema" by Stan Getz and some lady whose name I don't remember (great song, but hey).  According to Joe Scarborough ("Morning Joe", best thing on in the morning but you gotta get up @ 3AM PST to see it), the first time the Fab Four won the award wasn't until after John Lennon was killed, although I seem to recall Paul McCartney bounding up to the stage to accept an award for the group in 1970 or 1971.  America trusts you --- say it ain't so, Joe! . . . The Navy has christened its newest nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, the USS Gerald Ford.  The vessel partially destroyed the launching pad on its way out, ran over three tugboats and a number of fishing trawlers, punched a hole in its side ramming the Rock of Gibraltar, causing six aircraft and 72 sailors to fall overboard, finally sinking in the Black Sea, where it slammed into a Russian nuclear submarine, causing both to explode.  The Ghost of Gerald Ford came back to say:  "Now there is ABSOLUTELY no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe."  Actually it may be Jimmy Carter who said that, but then the joke wouldn't have worked and who cares anyway when the whole thing was a fabrication.  Facts, schmacts;  enter here at your own risk.

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DID YOU SEE Rand Paul on Meet Depressed last Sunday?  B4 I get to my mini-rant, have you checked out this guys hair?  If he's the wave of the future we'll all need to stock up on mousse (I prefer chocolate).  Actually Sen. Rand is so pro-gun he probably uses real moose.  At any rate, he was on his high horsie about how the media "gave President Clinton a pass" on the Monica Lewinski affair.  "To take advantage of a 20-year old in a public office" --- omy omy what a horrible abuse of power!  So a couple of obfuscations:  z)  It is rumored that Mr. Paul wants to be our next President (memo to Rand:  WHY?  Have you seen how we treat them?  But I digest).  How long will it be before you figure a way to tie this to Mrs. Clinton?  I don't see how you do this and come out looking good.  And MCMLX)  You also upchucked the comment:  "And they say we Republicans are conducting a war on women!"  Okay, first things first.  A man having a consensual sexual affair with another adult is disgusting, particularly if he's married.  But it's really nobodies business.  The Clintons seemed to have patched up their differences (a lot of patching on Bill's part and a lot of forgiveness on Hillary's, who I believe was blindsided by the whole thing.  And let's not forget Monica, who was thrown under the bus) and moved on.  I don't think moseying down this road will garner you many fans.  And the media gave him a pass?  I seem to recall an impeachment and a trial.  Regarding the War On Women:  I don't see how Bill Clinton's War On Himself rises to the level of denying a woman's right to be in control of her own body and have easy access to the information and other forms of treatment designed to assure that right.  I also don't see how it relates to women's treatment in society at large, including way too much sexual harassment, 77 cents for every dollar men make --- the list goes on.  Clean up your own backyard, Sen. Rand --- if you're wanting to be a national figure;  why, I'm just asking the easy questions . . . Other mini-rant:  To Rush Outtatouch, Glen Belch, and all the other wing nuts who constantly relish accusing President Obama of playing the Race Card:  The guy's HALF-WHITE!  He plays the race card every day --- with himself!

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I LOVE ALEX WITT and her great MSNBC weekend show.  But last week she had some political commentator on and they were crying in their soup about the aggressive agenda the President laid out in his last State Of The Union speech and what a disappointment the results had been.  Ms. Witt opined:  "After New Town, I really thought we had a shot at doing something about gun control."  Hope this was an ad-lib, Alex, not something you read off the teleprompter.  Kinda reminds me of the Senator (I think it was Waxman) who, expressing his frustration at the length of time the Clinton impeachment trial was taking, blurted out:  "Let's get all the facts on the table so we can wrap this sucker up!" . . . Loved Willie Browns comment in his Sunday column:  "What is it about Jerry Brown?  Every time he's Governor, we have a drought."  Well, I think it has more to do with between his stints as Secretary of State, Governor, candidate for President and Senator, radio talk show host, Mayor of Oakland, Attorney General and then Governor again, when has he NOT been in the public eye over the last 40 years?  By the way, is Willie reading S.R.?  On Jan. 10th, I said I liked the Warriors stadium, but only if it wasn't surrounded by a bunch of high rise condos and other outsize development of the area.  Emailed a copy to Mr. Brown.  In his column Jan. 19th, Da Mayor chimed in with the same viewpoint.  Come on, sir, give a struggling writer a plug! . . . Riddle Me This Dept:  If you were to create an album of favorite cat songs, what would you call it?  How about "Meow Mix? . . . Haven't had enough?  OK, why are they called wisdom teeth?  Because if the dentist extracts enough of them they can put their kids thru college . . . Don't know about you, but I've definitely had enough.

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FROM AUTHOR SUSAN ORLEAN:  "If newspapers stop their print editions, what will cats sit on when you're trying to read?"

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The bigger they are, the harder they fall

These big-iddy boys are dig-gidy dogs

I have 'em like Miley Cyrus, clothes off

Twerking in their bras and willschneider7648@gmail.com

Open for business 8AM-4PM PST @ (415)202-7697

01/24/14

Gamut from Ho to Hum

SO THE PRESIDENT gave his speech about the NSA last week, which offered a bunch of excuses and absolutely nothing new.  It's been difficult lately to remain a FOB (Friend of Barack), tho I still am, but he seems to have lost his voice and lost his way.  Why doesn't the President have advisers like me who would tell him what folks were really thinking?  Um --- wait a sec.  I'd just be participating in the circle jerk routine of sucking up and promoting my own ideas that he gets to his face, all the while bad mouthing him behind his back while preparing notes for my best-selling autobiography "I Was the Only One Who Told Him the Truth But He Wouldn't Listen".  Actually I can still write it, using my powers of telepathy . . . Duh! Dept.:  Over 50 Americans scalded themselves during the recent cold snap by throwing pots of boiling water into the air, assuming it would freeze before it landed on them.  Ah, the best laid plans --- maybe I should've said the best tossed plans . . . What column would be complete without a "Grabber", that feature in the Sunday Book Review section that prints the first line of a new novel, plus my capsule review.  This week the book is "Saving Mozart" (ambitious title!) by Raphael Jerusalmy:  "I hate Fridays."  Obviously he had Wednesday and Thursday off . . . Off to Merry Olde England, where inventor Charlie Francis has used fluorescent proteins from jellyfish to create an ice cream that glows in the dark.  He thought his invention was safe, since "I tried some and don't seem to be glowing anywhere". (*Urp!*)  I'll take your word for it, Charlie . . . It's the night of Jesus' birth.  Three Wise Guys are following the North by Northwest Star, looking for the Manger Suite at the Bethlehem Motel Six (a bit hard to find since the interstate bypass was completed).  They stop at the Home Depot to get a crib (Home Depot out of stock, had to drop into Ikea), then find the Baby Jesus, all meanly wrapped in swaddling clothes (when I say meanly wrapped, I'm talking about a really nasty job of wrapping.  Pretty atrocious swaddling, too).  They present Jesus with their gifts:  Gold, Frankenstein and Myrrh (pronounced "myrrh").  I can see Jesus having a lot of fun with Frankenstein, but what's a little baby going to do with gold and myrrh?  No point to this item;  I just like all the cheap jokes --- before you jump me, remember the advantage of cheap (and corny) jokes --- the price is right.

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HAPPY BELATED MLK DAY --- I think.  I saw Vice President Biden on the tube Monday, saying something to the effect of he had thought we were over the hump on the whole civil rights stuff.  Until recently I was just as guilty of this.  The Vice President, who I like, sounded both surprised and distressed by what he was saying (this is one reason I like the veep --- for a politician, I find him refreshingly genuine and down to earth).  There have been plenty of signs over the years that our brothers and sisters of color haven't been getting an even remotely fair shake.  Remember the incidents at Denny's about twenty years ago, culminating in that institution refusing to serve a group of Secret Service agents?  Come on, Denny's --- dark suits, white shirts, black ties, sunglasses --- honestly, dip into your corporate profits and take out enough money so you can buy a clue.  I had a friend who joined the service in the late 60s and was stationed in Georgia.  He made friends with a black fellow and one day they drove into town to get lunch.  They went into a local diner, the owner came over and took the black guys order.  A few minutes later a beautifully prepared entree was delivered.  "Excuse me," said my white friend George.  "I wanted to order too."  "Law says I gotta serve him," came the response. "Doesn't say anything about you."  I like to think we've come a long way from those days, but sometimes I wonder if the less tolerant elements have just become more sophisticated.  The "Stop and Frisk" law in NYC resulted in something like 80% of blacks being pulled over when they only account for about 20% of crime.  The Trayvon Martin case was appalling.  But one thing has changed dramatically --- the number of white people living in poverty.  The War on Poverty is another column, but we declared it fifty years ago.  Back then the pictures we saw were primarily black folks and their kids, who lived in shacks (no indoor plumbing, often no electricity) and all looking malnourished.  Because of Lyndon Johnson (and virtually no one else) very few folks are living in shacks and looking malnourished.  Also, this is no longer exclusively or even primarily a race problem.  White women are too often the heads of households now.  I don't think this is what Dr. King had in mind.  I saw a picture in the paper of MLK Jr. Drive in St. Louis --- a bunch of boarded up and/or gated buildings, one with a sign saying "Dream and Make the World Conform to Your Dreams".  Do you think Dr. King would have endorsed this philosophy?  Seems more to me like something Hitler could get down with.  As to the outrageous decision the Supremes made scrapping title V of the Voting Rights Act, there is virtually ZERO evidence that anyone is trying to take advantage of the right to vote.  I fail to see how the intent of these laws is anything other than racism, youthism, ageism, whatever.  In short, a solution in search of a problem.  On the other hand, 40% of the populace chooses not to vote.  If you don't vote, don't gripe.  But Happy Birthday, Martin --- the dream lives on.

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READING THE NEWSPAPER for fun and items:  Actual ad:  Anniversary Dinner: $200.  Bottle of wine:  $100.  Cure for Erectile Dysfunction:  Priceless.  Underneath, in slightly smaller type:  December Special:  $199!  Includes everything (followed by a list of everything you get except a cure for ED).  Priceless, eh? . . . A Sunday Headline:  "S.F. listed as top city in U.S. to have a baby."  So, young ladies, head on down to the corner of Turk and Jones @ 12:30AM and Have That Baby! . . . File under "Loyalty":  Hiroo Onada, 91, has died.  He fought in WWII.  His commander, Maj. Taniguchi, instructed him in March 1945 to defend his corner of a remote island in the Philippines and await further instructions.  This Mr. Onada did, surviving on coconuts and bananas, shooting the occasional intruder, until Maj. Taniguchi, now a bookkeeper, returned to inform him that Japan had lost the war and Hiroo could return home.  This was in 1974.  The whole thing reminds me of one of my Pop's favorite jokes:  Q. Who is Chicken Teriyaki?  A. The last living kamikaze pilot.  Dated and maybe even racist, but happy to get a chance to remind the world of what a great guy Pop was.

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SAGE OBSERVATION FROM Jean-Paul Sartre:  "Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat."  (Schnide Sez:  You may have noticed I don't do much rowing.)

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I believe every lie that I ever told,

Paid for every heart that I ever stole.

I paid my cause and I didn't fold.

Well it ain't that hard when you got willschneider7648@gmail.com

01/17/14

Voyage to the Bottom of My Brain

LET'S BEGIN TODAY in TV land, where white supremacist Craig Cobb, who wishes to establish an Aryan enclave in North Dakota, has mistakenly agreed to appear on television to have his DNA tested.  The black host (omigawd) is pleased to inform the horrified Mr. Cobb that he's 14% African, offer him a fist bump and call him "bro".  This reminds me of the rumor that Hitler had some Jewish blood in his lineage, which was either knocked down or disproven.  When I was a teenager I insisted on growing my hair long (this was very controversial back in the days when Dinosaurs ruled the earth).  My hair fell out by the time I was 25.  Forever after, my mom referred to this as Poetic Justice.  We can file the aforementioned in the same category . . . Over to the Obamacare website, where Adriana (she refuses to give her last name), whose attractive, smiling visage adorned the home page of HealthCare.gov asserts she has been the victim of fierce cyberbullying.  "I didn't design the website, so I don't think they had any reasons to hate me," she whined.  Point taken, Adriana, but had you noticed there were a few people who objected to the ACA?  What exactly did you expect?  Chalk it up to a poorly investigated career move . . . Getting the 'rents outta yer face:  An outfit in China has launched a website that, for a fee, will allow you to hire a fake boyfriend that you can take home and introduce to the folks.  The idea being that this will get them off your back about finding a beau.  If China is coming up with ideas like this, we're likely to lose the cultural wars.  Shape up, America! . . . One D.C. wag chimes in:  "Stop calling what's happening in Congress gridlock.  It's insulting to traffic jams."

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SCHNIDE SCHTRIKES:  I am aware that I'm venturing into an area that involves human feelings so I should be careful, but I can't help myself.  Let's begin with the situation at Ess Eff General.  I would call this a comedy of human errors, tho I am fully aware there's nothing funny about it.  There was no plot to lose this woman.  They knew she was gone right away; they just didn't know where to look (also human error, but no plot).  Same with the poor young teenager at Children's Hospital in Oakland.  A routine tonsillectomy with horrible complications, but I don't hold the doctors responsible.  The way the hospital handled it; now that was different.  Very damaging PR for the hospital, which brings me to my point.  Human beings make mistakes;  we always have and we always will.  Every time I see ambulance chaser Gloria Allred on the tube I want to vomit, even tho I am usually in agreement with her.  But I am sick of the legal profession making such an obscene monetary killing on human error.  They should all be shot.  No, I retract that, we should boil them first.  I worked for a little mom 'n' pop outfit called Marriott.  By the end of my career I could have spent all my time in my office filling out forms and checking off boxes.  The job took me more and more away from prepping food, supervising the staff, and interacting with customers.  That was a perfect formula for mistakes to happen.  The cook gets into a fight with the utility worker and there's a punch out because the boss is not around to intervene.  The salad prep person doesn't check the date on the milk and makes a contaminated batch of dressing because there's no one around to double-check.  Perhaps the lady's disappearance from General would have been noticed sooner if the nurses hadn't been so busy filling out their charts.  Who knows what a surgeon has to pay attention to besides the patient while performing surgery?  Don't they have to look at a whole bunch of monitors and machinery?  Could this --- even if momentarily --- distract them?  And what distracted Children's after the event?  They were all over the media, of course!  Forget the patient, hang the doctors out to dry if need be, marginalize the family --- WE NEED OUR LAWYERS!  Thankfully, I'm not hearing about these kind of problems in small businesses, not because things don't go wrong, but because small business doesn't have such deep pockets. Unlike Amalgamated Consolidated Incorporated small business is paying their fair share of taxes instead of using every loophole in creation, hiding all their money overseas, screwing over their employees, and --- WHOOPS!  Tangental rant coming on --- save for another column.  What I'm attempting to say is we're working for lawyers as opposed to taking care of one another as human beings, and I'm not happy about it.  This applies to single human error only, not the trouble we can get ourselves into when we get a gaggle of H.B.s together that try to plot.  The current situation with Gov. Chris Christie comes to mind.  All the evidence isn't in, and it would be unfair to presume anything other than innocence on his part, but a careful examination of the events could lead one to think the Governor just might possibly be remotely guilty of something (that's guilty --- GUILTY! GUILTY!! GUILTY!!!).  I had to get that in --- like I explained, sometimes I can't help myself.  I was raised by good people, but over the years I've developed some ways about me that just ain't right.

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WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE about a higher minimum wage?  Won't this cramp the wealthy folks' need to increase the maximum wage?  Honestly, you selfish deadbeats!  No wonder our country's such a mess . . . Can't the stores take 24 hours off for the hollydaze?  The last thing I feel like doing when I've stuffed myself on food and drink is go shopping!  Well, Bi-Rite and Walgreens could be open so we could stock up on Pepto-Dismal and Alka Seltzer . . . Headline on "Dear Abby" column:  "I love mornings, yet traffic, work put me in a foul mood."  Dear worthless waste of valuable human territory:  And what do you like?  The alarm clock?  Cleaning the cat litter box?  Do what I do: start drinking immediately.  The day will fly by.  Love, Shabby . . . According to media sensation Morrissey, he sees "no difference" between eating meat and pedophilia.  So, Mr. M (if that is in fact your real name), what is the difference between being a vegetarian and being a cannibal? . . . THIS JUST IN!  Porn star Linda Lovelace and Dracula have returned from the dead to team up for a movie, titled "Down for the Count" (I know you're out there, folks, I can hear you groaning).

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FROM HARVARD ECONOMIST Henry Rosovsky:  "Never underestimate the difficulty of changing false beliefs by facts." 

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I knew you were

You were gonna come to me

And here you are

But you better choose willschneider7648@gmail.com

01/10/14

Here We Are in the Years

HOW THINGS ARE LOOKING from my corner of the universe:  So it's a brand new year.  I like New Years, they always bring us hope.  Did you make any New Year's Resolutions?  Okay, you're a moron.  What about the rest of us?  Let's go to the political world, since that's our favorite form of non-physical combat.  I will give you my fearless observations and predictions;  you can look this column up in a year and have a good laugh.  Why wait until then?  Start chuckling now.

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OFF-YEAR ELECTIONS are terrible for incumbent Presidents, especially second-termers.  Bill Clinton picked up seats in 1998, but the Republicans were trying to impeach him over a consensual affair with another adult.  And the guy leading the charge was boinking an aide at the time.  Had to resign not only his speakership, but had to exit Congress completely.  Ah, for the good old days!  The only other time I'm aware of is Monroe in 1822, but I don't dismember why.  Perhaps the medical community liked his Doctrine.  So by all accounts the Republicans should pick up seats, right?  Not so fast.  They need to start offering alternatives instead of just knee-jerk badmouthing the President.  They also need to seriously distance themselves from the Tase Party.  The country disagrees with their entire social agenda.  Heard the latest?  The social conservatives in California want to get a measure on the ballot dictating where transgender kids can and can't go to the bathroom.  This is a group that already suffers from a high degree of alienation and loneliness that leads as far as suicide.  Let's pick on THEM!  Mike Huckabee suggests he would have done just about anything to have had an excuse to get his rotund tush into the girls' bathroom, so Decent People should be appalled by this concept.  Must confess I've never been in a female bathroom, but I'm guessing they don't go in there to have strip shows.  Of course none of these folks talk about women going into the men's john.  Really?  The social conservatives have descended to this?  Huckabee was also the one who's argument against same-sex marriage (now legal in 15 states, with more coming) had to do with that being equivalent to having to lower the hoops on the basketball courts because not everyone would be able to reach them (huh?).  Let's not forget Rick Santorum's argument that if two men could marry, why not a man and two or three women?  Or Bill O'Reilly's notion:  How about a goat?  How about a child?  Gay marriage has nothing to do with polygamy, bestiality, or pedophilia.  And how do they explain the documented existence of homosexuality in the animal kingdom?  This is only my personal favorite of where the conservative movement has lost their way.  What about gun control?  Immigration?  Republican states on an all out campaign to deny uppity types the right to vote (apparently gerrymandering all the state districts to ensure Republican victories wasn't enough --- save your arguments about the Democrats doing it too;  the Dems never played it this dirty.  Although if they get the House back in 2020, all bets are off)?  The Conservatives are finally beginning to get the idea that the Affordable Care Act really IS the law.  It may be the worst thing that ever happened, although history doesn't support that notion.  The establishment interests always oppose everything that smacks of progressivism.  They did it in Canada when that country created national health care.  They did it with Social Security, Disability, Minimum Wage, Unemployment Insurance, Medicaid, Medicare, and Romneycare.  But let's suppose you're right about the ACA.  What are your ideas?  And why don't you behave fiscally like Republicans?  More on that in the next paragraph.  Meanwhile, the country needs two vibrant political parties.  The best way to pick up seats is to tell us what you propose to move us forward together instead of a bunch of rhetoric that further fragments an already divided populace.

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THIS BRINGS US TO THE DEMOCRATS.  Things aren't starting off well, but there are areas of hope.  The deficits are coming down faster than at any time since WWII.  Of the last five Presidents, the Republicans have spent like drunken sailors.  The Dems have exhibited far more restraint.  Why aren't you screaming this from every rooftop?  You passed an immigration bill thru the Senate.  The Reps refused to go along with it unless hundreds of miles of fence and 1000 border guards were added to the deal.  Who's outspending whom?  Your Red buddies want to give the Pentagon an arm and a leg, then the rest of the torso --- even the the Brass Itself says it doesn't need or want it!

Yet none of you point this out.  I call this stuff low-hanging fruit.  Why aren't you exploiting it?  Next, regarding transparency:  Mr. President, are you capable of an apology?  It would do you a lot of good to go before the American people and say that, under your watch, the NSA has gotten completely out of hand.  Accept personal responsibility for the situation, no explanations and no excuses.  Thank Edward Snowden for performing an important service and tell him he is welcome in the USA, no strings attached.  Continue your successful policy of not negotiating with the Republicans over debt ceilings or continuing resolutions.  Put together a list of projects (cutting defense spending, closing corporate tax loopholes, establishment of a livable minimum wage, getting rid of about 50% of Farm Subsidies without cutting Food Stamps, instituting a national plan to rebuild our crumbling infrastructure, propose a jobs plan) and dare the Republicans to act on it.  If they don't, pull a Truman --- call them into special session this summer and force the issue.  In other words, don't be a wuss --- you were elected to LEAD.

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WHAT ABOUT OUR FAIR CITY?  Housing is the overriding issue.  I've never been a fan of this so-called "affordable housing" garbage.  We set aside something like 20% of new developments as affordable.  The number of residents needing this service is more like 75%.  An affordable apartment should cost about $700 a month (about 40% of your wage).  A condo should be perhaps $150,000.  The City relies heavily on working class income folks to support out tourist and hi-tech industries.  Mayor Ed, you have an opportunity for eternal fame and a solid place in history if you will provide something other than lip service on this.  We've had problems here for better than 30 years.  Willie Brown famously claimed twenty years ago that you shouldn't be in Ess Eff if you made less than $50,000 a year.  Things are much worse now.  Art Agnos is the only mayor we've had with the cajones to stand up to the real estate interests who've been calling the shots without any enforceable oversight.  KNOCK OFF THE LIP SERVICE --- TAKE CARE OF YOUR RESIDENTS.  The proposed Warriors stadium is a great idea;  the Embarcadero area south of the Bay Bridge could use a shot in the arm (just don't mess with Red's Java House).  But no housing or retail crap and don't violate the height limits.  We already sent you a message with the 8 Washington fiasco.  You have a lot of good qualities, sir, but we could really use some forward-looking leadership.  Please don't let us down.

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AN OLD GREEK PROVERB:  "A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in."

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Let me tell you of a story 'bout a man named Jed;

A poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed.

And then one day he was shootin' for some food

And up through the ground came a bubbling willschneider7648@gmail.com