02/07/14
I'm Too Poor to Be a Paranoid;
I Can Only Afford One Noid
ESTABLISHING YOUR PARAMETERS DEPT: Barry Swegle of Port Angeles, Washington, was having a disagreement with a neighbor over a property line. So he got behind the wheel of a logging machine and rammed it into four homes, a pickup truck and a power pole. He's managed to set his property line, whatever it is and after the police finish charging and fining him . . . A Princess Cruise ship returned to port two days early because of a "dense fog" and not because 180 of the passengers caught a stomach virus, according to a ship spokesperson. When informed there had been no reports of fog and the ship was covered with vomit and feces, Princess Cruise released a statement saying the ship had returned due to "climate change". Okay, I didn't make up the first sentence . . . My Best Friend Saunders adds some interesting insight to my item last week about The Beatles: "The 'Girl From Ipanema' was sung by Astrud Gilberto" (even Joe Scarborough knew that, Schnide) "and written by 'Tom' Jobim and Vinicius de Moraes. Their music had already profoundly shaken up the musical, theatrical and movie worlds. It was the first commercial hit from a different culture, i.e. Brazil, which had been struggling for mainstream recognition for over a decade. A highly deserved award. It's history's most recorded song other than 'Yesterday'." As usual, Saunders knows a whole bunch of stuff I don't. All I can say is the British had also been struggling since the 50s to make their contribution to the music scene and boy, did The Beatles succeed. "Girl From Ipanema" is arguably a better song than any single song The Beatles released in 1964, but they certainly deserved equally to be recognized for what they did . . . After the stupid press release concocted by Gov. Christie and his playground bullies last Saturday (excuse me, the Governor did not sign it and was probably "blindsided" by its release) I'm prepared to make a Fearless Prediction: Chris Christie is toast. He may be able to serve out his term as an extremely lame, and I do mean lame, duck Guv, but nationally, he's finished. You read it here first (note I didn't say you heard it here first).
* * *
THE KEYSTONE XL PIPELINE has cleared a major hurdle, with the State Dept. declaring it's unlikely to dramatically boost demand for Canada's oil sands. If that's the case, then why the %#@$! build it? In my humblish opinion, we will rue the day we built this full frontal assault on the environment, which I fear our President is looking for a way to sign off on. He may wait until after the midterm elections to do this; but I've got a bad feeling about the whole thing. This is horribly dirty oil. If there's a spill (Don't worry about a thing! Shell and Mobil will guarantee the safety) the sludge sinks to the bottom of our lakes, rivers and seas, making it impossible to clean up and destroying all life in our waterbeds. If we keep behaving this way we won't be around long enough to be done in by global warming. So here's my question for you, Mr. President: In twenty years, will you be able to tell your grandchildren "I did something" about the environment, or will you say "I tried to do what I could"? We're addicted to oil like some folks are to smoking. We're always going to get off the stuff --- later. After I get thru with this stress. When I don't need to appease the business interests anymore, even tho I know in my heart what they're doing is wrong. Tomorrow. Trouble is, tomorrow never comes. But Mr. President, I assume grandchildren will arrive in your family. Will you do what it takes to leave them a better world? Wouldn't it break your heart to have to look at their beautiful, innocent eyes and say "I did the best I could?"
* * *
AN OHIO WALMART STORE held a Thanksgiving food drive --- for its own employees. The drive was part of "the company's culture to rally around associates", said a spokesperson. Here's another view, Duhmart: Instead of asking your low paid employees to donate food to other low wage employees, try a) donating the food from your enormous corporate profits, not just to your indentured servitude employees but also other needy people in your community, and 2) more importantly, pay your workers a living wage in the first place . . . Need To Know Dept: British researchers admitted to killing the world's oldest living animal, a 507-year-old Icelandic clam. And how did they kill it? They opened it to see how old it was . . . The Harrisburg, Pa., Patriot-News apologized for an 1863 editorial that dismissed President Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address as "silly remarks." The paper said its previous editors must have been "under the influence of partisanship, or of strong drink." Better late than never . . . If you were checking this space a couple of years ago, I noted that Denny's had introduced a number of new and inventive ways to serve bacon, including --- erghh --- a bacon sundae. I predicted this ad campaign would be short-lived (I was right, but I take no bows. Anybody with a two-digit IQ could've figured it out). But they seem to be having trouble coming up with a catchy slogan. I have a modest suggestion: "Denny's --- Now Serving Blacks*". No need to thank me; happy to help . . . Schnide Wreckommends: Check out the Feb 3rd New Yorker, page 32, for a different take on sugary beverages (only one page, an easy and entertaining read).
*(w/proper ID)
* * *
FROM THE GREAT WILL ROGERS: "I belong to no organized Political Party. I'm a democrat."
===================================
It was the best of times;
It was the worst of willschneider7648@gmail.com
Open for business 8AM - 4PM PST (415)202-7697
No comments:
Post a Comment